My Review of ‘The Dark Tower’

Back in August when The Dark Tower was coming out whenever I saw the commercials for it I was always a little interested in this film. Especially that it was a movie adapted from a Stephen King novel with the main characters played by the extraordinary actors, Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba. You would think that would be the ultimate recipe for success but unfortunately it wasn’t.

This movie is the first film I have ever watched where the dialogue scenes were light years more enjoyable than the action scenes.


The first fourty five minutes or so of the movie I was really starting to get into the story of this film. You had the boy, Jake Chambers, who somehow could see this impending apocolypse in his dreams as well as Idris Elba’s character, the Gunslinger, and Matthew McConaughey’s character, I think Death was his name.

Death needed children with Jake’s special ability to create the end of the world blah-blah-blah. And so he had these minions called No-Skins to capture children and take them to his world. Of course, Jake’s mission was to prevent the world from ending with the help of the Gunslinger, the Gunslinger wanted revenge on Death for killing his father, and Death wanted to, like I said before, bring about the apocolypse.

The Dark Tower is a minimal hour and thirty-five minutes but that’s not exactly what is wrong with this movie. First, the CGI was absolutely horrendous. I mean the quality of the CGI was television show worthy. In fact, I’ve watched some old episodes of Stargate with better special effects than there were in this movie. Secondly, the music was awful. It did not elevate the film in the slightest and actually managed to make the movie worse at some points. Mainly the action scenes. Third, the storytelling got kind of sloppy towards the end of the film. Everything was predictable, the storyline became corny, and Death became an overly confident duschebag who thought he couldn’t die but he did. How ironic.

My Conclusion of the Film


All in all, if you were wondering, like me, about this film and have been thinking about seeing it I highly advise you not to. This was a true waste of brain space and while I wish it wasn’t unfortunately it was. This movie is so bad in fact that the final action scene had me and my sister in stitches, that’s how hilariously absurd it was. Matthew McConaughey should not have taken the role in this movie. He’s too good of an actor to take part of a film this horrendous. Now he did make a frightening grim reaper. Every time he was on screen somebody was dying and that did make him scary but the ending of the film gave him no justice whatsoever.

What would I give this film? Well, is it the worst movie I’ve ever seen? Not by a long shot. Warcraft was much, much worse but this isn’t anywhere near the standard of the movies that I find enjoyable. I’d give this a 71 out of a 100 and 2.5 out of 5 stars. The only reason why the score isn’t lower is because the first half of the movie was interesting and had me engaged. It was the second half that made the movie’s decency plummet.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed and I thank you for reading this review. Have a gorgeous day.


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