I’m sitting here stunned by what I have just seen. Yesterday I watched Wonder Woman and yeah, it has its annoying moments, but overall, it’s a solid superhero film. Wonder Woman 1984 is the exact opposite of Wonder Woman.

Its action scenes, save for the first one in the film’s first twenty minutes, are lame and provide no sense of wonderment. Its story is trying so desperately to speak a profound message that it collapses into its own goals, becoming something that just takes too long to reach something special. And then finally when it seems like the story is going somewhere the climax arrives and it’s just…lame!

Chris Pine returns as Steve Trevor and like I expected, it doesn’t make any sense. The idea that he had to return for the sequel is so preposterous that to include him in the film only hurt Wonder Woman’s story once again. In fact, literally because of him, she can’t be the powerful hero that she needs to be to get the job done, which isn’t cool. The whole point of a superhero sequel is a chance to see the titular hero even more powerful. Instead, she doesn’t get a chance to be a bad***. The only upgrade is now we know she can fly. Yay….

Kristen Wiig’s Barbara Minerva is a ripoff of Catwoman in all of the absolute worst ways. She isn’t as compelling as Catwoman, she isn’t as sexy as Catwoman, and she does not give the main character, this being Wonder Woman, a run for her money. I understood her story and why she did what she did but still…she didn’t help the movie at all.

Pedro Pascal’s Max Lord is honestly one of the few good things about the movie. I have learned recently while watching The Mandalorian that he’s one of the best actors I’ve ever seen and this movie only reiterates that fact. The script, being the garbage that it was, should’ve been unsalvagable but he somehow managed to bring some sort of likability to his character. In fact, it is his story that I empathize the most with in this film even if, at some points, even he was overly cornballs.

And then there’s Gal Gadot. She’s a great Wonder Woman and I can’t take that away from her. But once again, she isn’t allowed to be the awesome character that she is because of a terrible script that literally strips her power from her. Unlike most superheroes, she doesn’t have the chance to have great action scenes that wow viewers. She’s just awesome because we know that Wonder Woman, as a character is awesome, but if you show someone who knows nothing about Wonder Woman this movie they would think she’s overrated. That’s how bad it is.

I feel sorry for Gal Gadot. I feel sorry that she doesn’t get the chance to see herself shine like Batman or Superman on the big screen. Instead, she’s relegated to looking weak against foes who are nowhere near as powerful as she is.

Oh, it’s not just the characters that are handled poorly in this movie. It’s also the writing, the over-the-top 80s’ theme, the CGI that was next-level bad, and the action that was bafflingly bad. This was just…appalling. I’ll have more to say tomorrow but just…wow. The only good thing was the mid-credits scene.

I’m giving this film 71 out of 100 and 3 out of 5 stars.

I thank you for reading and I hope you have a fantastic day.