Three weeks ago the teaser trailer for Eternals finally came out. I was so excited. Our first substantial look at the movie that Marvel Studios was keeping so heavily under wraps it felt like an Avengers film was finally here. And then I saw the teaser.

For two minutes the teaser, well, teased the possibilities. We see a horizontal alien vessel approach a coastline where ancient people watch in bewilderment. Inside the ship there are our Eternals, a race of beings created by giant (kind of creepy) space giants called Celestials. They’ve apparently been sent to Earth where they protect humanity and help with our evolution over thousands of years.

At least that’s what Salma Hayek’s Ajak narrates to us as the teaser shows these Eternals interacting with humanity, and each other, in purposely brief clips.

Richard Madden and Gemma Chan, as Ikaris and Sersi, are clearly in love and will most likely carry the weight of the romantic side of the story.

Angelina Jolie sports a blond wig so obvious it’s distracting. Plus, I’ve seen pictures of what her character, Thena, looks like in the comics and she’s a lot more muscular. And I know the MCU is known for taking their own spin on characters but…she still looks a bit skinny to me. But I do know she’s known for being an action star so let’s see what Marvel Studios had in mind. (I still think they could’ve gotten somebody else to play Thena.)

Kumail Nanjiani dances like a Bollywood star. (Bravo to that Marvel workout regiment because he does NOT look like the school cop in Fist Fight.) Lauren Ridloff’s Makkari is fast. Is Sprite, the Eternal that looks like a child, drinking?!

It’s a lot of quick clips but it’s a whole lot of nothing too. And there’s the problem with this teaser.

I remember the teaser for Guardians of the Galaxy. It was amazing. Like Eternals, the teaser didn’t feature a plot or make a whole lot of sense but it looked incredible. The editors for that teaser put together a bunch of clips that made it very clear Guardians of the Galaxy was going to be one heck of a film. But that was James Gunn’s vision.

Chloe Zhao’s Oscar-winning movie was Nomadland; a visually stunning and yet very slow husk of a film whose story creeps along at snail pace and never really gets anywhere that intriguing. It feels like Eternals is the Marvel version of Nomadland and that may not be a good thing.

Marvel has been able to drive people to theaters to see their films because each movie has something to offer; either a continuing storyline of a fan favorite or the introduction of a character people are really excited to see.

The Eternals are a strange group of characters whose own story is so grand it can be confusing, overwhelming, and sometimes just downright boring. Plus, unlike other Marvel movies that had to introduce maybe one new superhero to our expanding list of characters, this movie has to introduce to us ten! new characters. That’s a hard task, for any movie.

What Eternals has going for it right now is its cast which features some of the biggest names in Hollywood as well as some newcomers. But ultimately, the next trailer needs to be a whole heck of a lot better if this movie is going to nab closer to a billion dollars at the box office.

Are you excited for Eternals after seeing the teaser? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

I thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day.