I’ve been waiting for months for F9: The Fast Saga so I could see the continuation of the story and so that I could determine for myself how bad or good this movie would be. Unfortunately, it’s just as bad as everyone says, if not worse.

F9: The Fast Saga does something no other Fast and the Furious movie has done, try to take itself seriously.

Yes, there were some emotional storylines in some of the films and The Fate of the Furious had a lot of drama but it never lost grasp of what was really important; fast and furious action scenes. This movie only has one exhilarating action scene, the first one, and then from there it turns into a long sappy film that deals with Dom having to reckon with his past in the form of his brother, John Cena a.k.a Jakob.

Why did they have to make John Cena his brother again? Why couldn’t he have been just another villain because that unrealistic connection between Dom and Jakob absolutely RUINED the movie!

The heavy amount of sentimental flashbacks completely took away from the flow of the story, Han is back but why, the characters have officially become superheroes in cars because they are freaking indestructible (even dead characters are returning to save the day), and don’t even get me started on the shoot-a-car-into-space mission.

By the end of this movie I wasn’t even smiling anymore, it was that bad. The humor fell flat and became annoying as it tried to gloss over what was clearly ludicrous (no pun intended) on the screen. The emotional context between Dom and Jakob was next-level bad. And the secret-weapon-that-will-destroy-the-world-plotline was just…uninteresting.

The Fast and the Furious films have now crossed a threshold where they need to stop making movies or they’ll only make the story worse and worse. Unfortunately, it’s already been announced that there will be two more movies and considering F9 made $700 million worldwide during a global pandemic! Yeah, this ridiculousness is nowhere close to over.

I’m giving F9: The Fast Saga 1.5 out of 5 stars (the .5 is for a really well-written Star Wars joke in the film that actually was kind of perfect) and 67 out of 100.

(muttering to myself: “And just when I started to like these movies…”)

I thank you for reading and I hope you have a spectacular day.